Heeding God's Call

“I would recommend not putting off writing 
if it’s something you feel called to: 
if you put it off, then the writing can’t do the work 
that it needs to do to you.” 
(Linford Detweiler from the band Over the Rhine)

Photo by Kaitlyn Baker 

I found the above quote in a mass email sent to me in April 2009. At the end of that same email Linford wrote, “Maybe a writer will find [this], God help her.” A writer has found it. And she does indeed need God’s help…to deal with the wave of regret raging like a torrent through her life. That email hit me right between the eyes at the time and yet I still filed the dream away for another three years without touching a keyboard. I did eventually start this blog. It lasted about 6 weeks. A year later, I restarted this blog one more time...for a month. Here I am again—more than five years later (gulp).

To be honest, I can't really give you a good reason for my long absence. Partly, it’s because I have not been following God’s call on my life. I know that we are always called to use the gifts and talents we have been given in order to build up the body of believers. For me, that call, at least in part, involves writing. Yet, nearly every day I find an excuse not to do it. I’ve been cupping my hands over my ears saying, “La-la-la-la-la-la!” and running 180 degrees in the other direction like Jonah. What’s funny is that I thought God wouldn’t notice that I had booked a flight to Tarshish.

The first whisper of this call came to me in 6^th grade when I got my first A+ on a writing assignment in English class. It was a limerick about a toad crossing the road. It didn’t end well for Mr. Toad, but that A+ did something in my soul. Something came alive. Someone heard my voice…and liked it. I was the youngest in my family by ten years, I was bullied regularly, and I didn’t have a lot of friends. I felt invisible. Writing gave me an outlet; an alternate universe I could thrive in. I started writing poems in my room at night. I wrote about clouds and rainbows, a crush on Robert Redford, and kicking the butts of those bullies. I continued to pursue writing through high school and college, taking writing course after writing course, even majoring in English with a writing emphasis—yet I didn’t really do much actual writing.

Why not? The simple answer is fear. Fear shows its fangs in my life mostly through catastrophic thinking. Psychology Today defines this as “ruminating about irrational worst-case outcomes.”[1] Can anyone out there identify with that? It’s easy to write a first draft. I have about 50 blog post drafts sitting in a folder on my computer. Editing is where my perfectionism and tornadic thoughts kill them. Which word is best? Should I really keep this sentence? Does this one get my point across so that you truly understand it the way I meant it? What if I offend someone? (How can I NOT offend someone these days?) How do you perceive me? What if you don’t (gulp) like me? 😯

That’s one side of my catastrophic thinking. The other side goes something like this: if God has given me this gift, then surely He will bless it, right? So, my blog will gain attention. I’ll be so widely read that soon I’ll be laughing on the couch with Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb on Today. Then Jimmy Fallon will call—personally. Publishers will line up at my door begging me to write a book—no three! Soon the blitz of media coverage and the demands to do book signings and speaking engagements will become so overwhelming I can’t breathe and then…. It. Will. End. No one will want me anymore. Someone will take my place as the “it girl” and I’ll be cast aside like an empty pop can.

Sigh. Welcome to my brain. I apologize for not giving you fair warning. But this is how I sometimes think. I have trouble staying in the moment. I am a chronic overthinker and it sometimes paralyzes me. And that’s at least partially why you haven’t heard from me in a while. I’ve let the enemy win this ridiculous battle.

Except that he hasn’t won the war. I’m not dead yet! It’s time for me to start fighting back. My heart is full of words that must be shared, even if it’s just among friends. I want to “mind my matters” with you because I believe we all process the world we live in far better if we do it out loud in the company of friends. So, this post is the start of “writing” that wrong. (My love of word play hasn’t gone anywhere!) I am recommitting myself to you and to this blog.

So here I am. If you’re new, it’s nice to meet you. If we’re old friends, bring it in for a (((hug))). Let’s process this crazy world together, shall we?

But before I sign off, this isn't just about what God is calling me to. What is God calling you to? What’s that nagging feeling you can’t shake? Does he want you to serve the poor? Forgive someone? Mentor a teen? Does He want you to drop something from your schedule so that you can help get your kid through a difficult phase in their life? Is it time to complete your college degree? Start a new business? Read 12 books in a year? Fast for 24 hours? Fix a bad attitude? Let me urge you as one who has ignored God long enough, DO IT TODAY.

You may feel like Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade walking off the edge of a cliff, but rest assured, if you’re in the center of God’s will, there is solid ground beneath you. And if you’re reading this, I just walked right off that ledge—but amazingly, I find myself standing on a more than solid Rock.

See you again soon!

Copyright ©2019 by Cherry Lyn Hoffner. You may not reproduce this post in any form without permission. However, linking to this post is encouraged.

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[1] Ron Breazeale, Ph.D., “Catastophic Thinking,” Psychology Today, PsychologyToday.com, accessed 5-2-16

Prairie Salad

I am looking out over the prairie at Taltree Gardens & Arboretum on a perfect 80 degree day. It reminds me of the meadow that was next door to our house when I was little. I remember making a bed in the long grass and lying in it so that I could watch the puffy clouds as they strolled by. I wondered at the balancing plates of Queen Anne's lace, giggled as I chased after yellow moths, and stood in silent amazement upon discovering a monarch cocoon on some milkweed. One of my favorite things to do was create prairie "salads" for Mom out of mixed greens, "bacon bits" of yellow dock, and the yellow "eggs" of wild snapdragons. Most of all, when I think of that meadow, I remember joy. Pure, unspoiled joy.

Queen Anne's Lace

Yellow Dock

Wild Yellow Snapdragon

As I sit here at Taltree and watch two butterflies dance and see a hummingbird alight on a tree and spy a hawk soaring overhead, I catch a wisp of that joy and I want to seize it, bottle it, and take it with me so that I can fight off the sadness and bitterness of the world.

Is that kind of joy still possible as an adult? Is joy allowed? Can we still find pure, unadulterated joy when there are work deadlines looming and dinner needs to be on the table and chores never end?

I am learning that a lot of what keeps me from joy is my perfectionism. Why can't I shake it? Why can't I give up the control? I do a terrible job of running my own life—why can't I put my life in the hands of...oh, I don't know...the One who made the universe? If He can spin planets and hang them in the sky, I'm pretty sure He can handle my mundane life. Why can't I learn to wait? Why do I demand that God always work on my time schedule? Why can’t I just learn to trust, rest, and relax? Little happy Cherry haunts me because I struggle to believe I once was her and I can’t quite figure out how I got here.

So I have a chat with God in the prairie. I pour out my heart. I tell Him how desperately I want to let go of the control. I want to trust Him, but how? I think about how I learn to trust anyone. I spend time with them, watch them work, look at how they treat others, and observe if they keep their promises.

So if I’m going to trust God, I need to spend more time with Him. I’m pretty inconsistent with that, but I can improve. I've seen God do amazing work in my life like provide well-timed housing and $1 cars. And hasn't He turned many things I've called “bad” into good? Why should I expect the current trial to be different? What has God done in my life that I expect bad from Him? God wrote the Golden Rule, so I’m pretty sure He treats others better than anyone I know. And He always keeps His promises. So what’s not to trust?

If I don't grab hold of His grace and mercy and love every day, the world wins. So often, I start the day asking the Lord to show me how to prioritize my day and then I jump in with my Type-A boots on and do my own thing and completely ignore Him. I long to relax and let go; let go of the worry and fear and pride and selfishness and just live for today and enjoy it.

Lord, remind me each day to meditate on your Word and rely on the Holy Spirit for guidance. Show me how to wait for you and trust. Teach me to thank you for every good gift (and they’re all good). Help me realize just how big you are so that I can see just how small I really am. Teach me to abide. To rest. To love. Remind me that I can do NOTHING without you. Grant me more moments of this peace that embraces the soul.

Help me to capture this joy and never let it go.

Copyright ©2013 by Cherry Lyn Hoffner. You may not reproduce this post in any form without permission. However, linking to this post is encouraged.

Why I'm "Minding My Matters"

I love to play with words; can you tell? You don’t have to know me long to know that I love crossword puzzles and word games. One of the best characteristics of the English language (yes, it does have some redeeming qualities) is the ability we have to engage in word play – and I simply couldn't resist the urge to include it in my blog’s title.

What is Minding My Matters about? I want to work out spiritual truth in my life. I’m in theological overdrive and I need to talk about it. There are not many things I enjoy more on this earth than a long conversation that goes deep, and deep into the night. You know what I’m talking about – the conversations you have with your best friend…or the total stranger sitting next to you on a plane. With all of our technological advances, we’re longing more and more for personal human interaction. Yet, we often sacrifice depth of relationship for convenience and speed and stuff that we really don’t even care about.

What are some of my “matters” that need working out? I want to live my life with more intentionality and focus, but I am so easily distracted. I want to trust God more, but all too often I trust in my own striving first. I want to defeat the monster of perfectionism, but unless I hit “publish,” the perfectionism is still winning. (I’m really hoping for a small victory, right now!)

Of course, sometimes those late-night conversations drift into the less serious side as well. Maybe we’ll talk about the joy of harvesting vegetables you grew with your own two hands. We could touch on what I’m learning from my cat. Or perhaps we could wonder at the sheer vastness of a clear night sky.

Whatever the conversation, let’s agree to have it. Grab your beverage of choice, and let’s sit down once a week (give or take) in this virtual world, and chat (I write, you comment). Let’s be honest and vulnerable; encouraging and respectful. Let’s grow into the people God made us to be. We’ll laugh and cry and maybe even argue. But let’s decide right now that we’re going to work out the things in our lives that need working out and start enjoying the good stuff.

Will you join me in “minding our matters”?


Copyright ©2012 by Cherry Lyn Hoffner. You may not reproduce this post in any form without permission. However, linking to this post is encouraged.